As the sun rises and the frogs say their nightly fond farewells, the Balinese music that seems to have no rhyme nor reason fills the air, Sunday morning is pretty much like every beautiful day here warm, perfumed and perfect. Today’s rhetoric is ‘ya can learn a lot from a Bali dog’. The beaches, cafes and roads are filled with such an array of the mangiest dogs you have ever seen, balding, flea bitten, worm ridden, rabies infested creatures like the animal version of the Walking Dead but they are kind of cute. They are everywhere particular around the beach cafes and car parks, they fight and snarl at each other continually over position closest to the tables, they fight over bitches in heat, warm places in the sun and there seems to be no family, no friendship, no pack. Till one sleeping dog with his tail hanging out in the car park got the end of that tail run over by a parking car. The dog yelped as you would if you were a dog, and every dog in that car park descended on the car that had now stopped, not some dogs all the dogs, they came running from everywhere growling, snarling and barking, jumping up at the windows, some chewing the car tyres, some even laid in front so the driver could not move off, this went on for ten minutes, driver stuck inside the car the dogs expressing how pissed they were and trying to eat the car. The lesson here I guess is not matter how snapping your family , no matter how much you are all trying to get closest to the food, bitches in heat or simply the warmest place in the sun, when one of you get ya kicked in the arse family needs to jump to defence, no matter how big the threat. No matter how big the menace – everyone who saw the reaction of those dogs towards the tail getting run over by the car will forever check to make sure no ones tail in ever under the wheel again, no one messes with a Bali dog……. And his family.
Lesson two: As you sit in the restaurant the dogs gather, not aggressively, they sit with sad mournful ruminated eyes and beg in silence, you know it’s not the right thing to encourage them so don’t feed them, you feel self-righteousness as you scoff down your fifth satay sticks which has nothing to do with self-righteousness it just taste too good to share, even with a dog with puppy-dog eyes. So the simple option is not to look and eventually they will go away. No. Where you eat you sit on what would be a BBQ table in NZ, the seats are narrow and a certain amount of your butt hangs over the edge. Some more than others mine a small strip of perked gluteus maximus muscle pulled ever so tautly. Now these dogs have learnt it’s not polite to lick, biting or nipping would not work. But as you turn away you get prodded in the arse. Not hard, not a ‘Hey you!’, but a polite Bali ‘excuse me’ prod in the arse, so of course you look down and there are those pleading eyes. I already told you ‘no’. as you turn back prod prod, this goes one through all the pork satay, prod, prod, the yellow rice, prod , prod the chicken satay, prod, prod, the salad and by the beef satay prod prod…… ‘Go on you win have a bit!!’ if he had growled, nipped, bit or even just sat there he would have got nothing but by polite, determination he won, well less won but was more rewarded, so next time someone says ‘no’ prod them in the arse with your nose – ever so gentle and repeat till they say yes.
